


With Our Eyes Wide Open

by in_that_winter



Series: The Fear And Fire Of The End Of The World [1]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Good Friend Shane Walsh, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Lori Grimes/Rick Grimes, Protective Shane Walsh, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rick Grimes's sister, Shane Walsh Lives, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22509547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_that_winter/pseuds/in_that_winter
Summary: The story of Shane Walsh and Rick's sister, Rosemary Grimes.---Read the tags, and stay safe y'all
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Shane Walsh/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Fear And Fire Of The End Of The World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1637176
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	1. Ticking Bomb

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to With Our Eyes Wide Open!
> 
> This idea has been in development since 2015, and around Fall 2019 I finally started writing it for realz. I'm a sucker for Jon Bernthal, so I HAD to have him as the love interest. I used Zoey Deutch as my inspiration for Rosemary. I know Shane's an idiot in the show, but I made him a real marshmallow lol
> 
> English is NOT my first language, so there will be mistakes. This is unbeta'd, so all of those mistakes will be my own. If you point them out, I'll try to fix them!
> 
> Title inspired by Gotye's phenomenal song 'Eyes Wide Open'.

_The sun may never rise again_

_The question ain't if but when_

_The sea will boil and the sky will fall_

_The sun may never rise again_

Aloe Blacc - Ticking Bomb

\---

Rose was losing a fight against the essays written by her sophomore class. How on Earth the kids had managed to get so far in their lives without knowing the difference between "your" and "you're", she didn't know. If Rose was being honest, it was a miracle only a few students had copied straight from the web.

She couldn’t really blame her students if they were a little absent-minded as of late. School work probably seemed insignificant when news were full of a mystery flu that had spread from Asia to everywhere else in the world - all the way to USA - slowly but surely. There were reports of the flu in the bigger cities already. If the sickness continued spreading as quickly as it had before, it wouldn’t be long before even Rose’s hometown was affected.

Rose wasn’t sure what to think of the flu. It was difficult to separate facts from rumors. Apparently the disease had gotten more destructive the longer it spread. Just how long it had infected people before WHO published their statement, Rose could only guess. _Wildfire_. Even the name of it gave her goosebumps. 

Her brother had suggested gently for her to take a break from work during their usual, Sunday evening phone call. Rick had always been a worrier with everything family-related. Ever since Lori and her nasty treatment he had voiced his thoughts less, so Rose knew he really was worried for her. Rick had suggested that Rose came to spend time with him and Carl.

She _wanted_ to leave. It had been months since Rose had seen her family, and she missed her hometown. Even after the loss of her parents, King County was a place full of fond memories. She had tried to take the topic up with her boss, but the principal couldn’t allow any leave without a medical reason. And since Rose couldn’t afford losing her job, she stayed.

The sudden ringing of her phone woke Rose from her thoughts with a start. She reached for the phone with shaking hands, but the shock was forgotten when she read the name of the caller. “Shane”, she answered the call, smiling and leaning back against her work chair.

Shane had been best friends with Rick since first grade, when he had moved to live with his grandmother. Since then Shane had been just as constant figure in Rose’s life as Rick. Over the years their daily encounters had changed to rare phone calls, mostly on holidays and birthdays. Or when Shane was worried about Rick. 

“Rose. Rosie, I’m so fucking sorry.” The man’s voice was wobbly, like he was holding back tears.

Smile faltering, Rose bit the inside of her cheek worriedly. “What’s happened?”

“I’m sorry, Rosie. It’s… Rick’s been shot, he’s at the hospital.”

Rose bolted from her seat. Her legs felt like jelly but she _needed_ to be upright, ready to move. “ _Shot?_ Hell, Shane, _what happened?_ ”

“We were called to assist a chase, some idiots were running away from cops. They drove straight into the spike strip, and their car went off road”, Shane went through the events coolly, like his profession as a cop had taught him. That seriousness crumbled quickly. “We… _Fuck_ , Rosie, it’s all my fault!”

A heaving sob disrupted Shane’s words, and Rose’s heart ached in sympathy. Shane had been a quiet boy during his first few months in King County, even Rose could remember it. His parents had died and left him with his grandmother, who was already too old to properly look after him. He had brightened up over the years. Now he joked easily and was something of a ladies-man - if Rick was speaking the truth, and he most certainly was - but he still had that softer side.

Clearly Rick getting shot hurt Shane as badly as it did Rose.

“They started shooting, so we answered with fire. We thought we got them all, _I thought we did_ , but one shot Rick.” Rose sat down once more, breaths getting quicker. “He was fine though, he had his vest on. But, there was another left. Rick, he… He turned towards me, something about ‘ _not telling Carl about this_ ’ and the shot went through his shoulder.”

Rose squeezed her eyes shut tightly, like she could shut her pain outside. “But he’s at the hospital, right? He made it through?”

It was scary to even ask that. Rick had been important to Rose ever since she was born. Their five year age gap didn’t bother them much, since they were both calm and quiet people.

Losing Rick would be like losing a limb.

“He’s in surgery now. I called you as soon as I could”, Shane’s voice sounded hollow. And tired. He must have been worrying himself sick.

Rose breathed out loudly, wiping sweat from her brown. “Thank you, Shane.”

For a while, Rose wasn’t really sure how long, the two of them just listened to each other breath.

Shane was clearly trying to get himself under control. Rose could imagine him, sitting down in some sterile hospital hallway, in his uniform, hiding tears from passers-by. It couldn’t have been easy, seeing your partner and best friend get shot.

And poor Rick. He had already went through _so much_ , with standing Lori’s verbal abuse for as long as he did, going through the divorce process and having to learn how to take care of Carl all on his own.

_Carl._

“Shane. What’s going to happen to Carl?” Rose asked, the question coming out as a shout. She hadn’t even thought of Carl and what the boy would think of his father getting hurt. He had only recently gotten over Lori leaving him behind when she moved to California.

Shane let out a curse, and Rose could hear him starting to walk with a brisk pace. “Damn, I totally forgot. He’s still at school, he must’ve been wondering where we are”, Shane told Rosie with anguish. Rose could hear him quickening his steps.

“Rosie, it’s been _hours_ since he got off.” Shane’s voice was worried and tight.

Rose checked her watch. It was nearly five PM, so Carl would have been waiting for only a few hours. He would understand, Rose was sure of it. “I’m sure it’s fine, Shane. Judith knows him, she probably stayed with him to wait”, she tried to assure the man, voice gentle. “Just… Go get Carl, okay?”

“I will. I’m sorry, I don’t usually forget things like this”, Shane said.

“No, no, I get it. Just call me later, when you hear anything about Rick. I’ll try to get hold of my boss and ask for a leave again”, Rose sighed, even when she knew it wouldn’t be likely that the principal would listen, “Call me, no matter the time.”

Rose heard Shane slam his car door shut. The man sounded calmer when he answered: “No matter the time.”

\---

Rose closed her laptop angrily, letting out an annoyed huff.

Finally, her email about taking a leave had been answered. Her first email to her boss had been replied by an automatic message; the bastard had ran away to some hunting lodge up in Alaska to ‘stay safe from the flu’. Rose had tried the school’s secretary next, who had told her to send any requests to the neighboring town’s principal.

All that trouble, and the answer had come back as negative.

Standing up from the sofa where she had stationed herself after coming back from work, Rose walked to her kitchen on the other end of her small apartment. She put the kettle on, thinking that maybe tea could calm her down a bit.

Rose had always been more likely to forgive than to start an argument, but the refusal got her _fuming_. Her brother was in a hospital, shot on duty! His young son needed someone to watch over him, and Rose was the closest family member outside Lori. The woman hadn’t even answered her phone when Rose had tried to call her. She really had cut all her ties to her life in Georgia, even refusing to hear about her own son.

She should just go.

Fuck the job. Rose had good credentials, she could find another place. Maybe she could talk her way into the King County school, to stay closer to her brother. She could live with Rick until she found her own place.

Her mind made, Rose rushed into her bedroom, tea forgotten. She went straight to her closet door, throwing away carefully arranged camping gear and winter clothing to reach her suitcase. Rose lifted it on top of her bed and went back to her closet, starting to toss in the essentials.

She could leave in a few days on Friday, fly to Atlanta and get Shane to pick her up. In just a few days she could see her brother.

Maybe by then he would be awake.

Rose went back to her living room and patted around the sofa before she found her phone. She went into her contacts and picked Shane’s number quickly. She went to ready her cup of tea while she waited for him to answer.

“Rosie? Did you get the reply?” Shane asked. Rose could hear the usual sounds of a grocery store behind Shane’s voice. Before she could reply, there was an excited yell from Shane’s end of the call.

“Hi auntie Mary!” Carl yelled to the phone, instantly making Rose smile. Rick had always opted to call her Mary instead of Rose, and Carl had followed his father’s example. 

“Hi, buddy. You two shopping, huh?” Rose asked, swirling her cup of tea. 

“Yeah! Shane said we need _lots_ of food”, Carl answered, exaggerating the words. Rose could hear Shane chuckle.

“Wow, that’s cool.” Rose took a sip of her tea and smirked. “What would you say if I came to stay with you guys for a few weeks?”

Carl’s reaction was immediate. He let out an excited whoop, most likely jumping up and down.

“Hey, what did you say? The kid is barely staying on the ground”, Shane chuckled after taking the phone back from Carl.

“I asked him if I could come stay there for a while”, Rose said.

Shane’s reaction was more subdued. He let out a shaky sigh, sounding relieved. “You got the permission, then?”

Rose sighed as well, running her fingers through her light brown hair. “I didn’t. But I don’t care. Rick’s more important than this job. If they fire me, I’ll find another one.”

“Rose, that’s… It’s great, but are you sure? I don’t want you to get into trouble just because it would be easier for me if you were here.” Shane sounded reluctant; he didn’t want to show how out of depth he really was with balancing Carl and Rick, who hadn’t shown any signs of waking up yet.

Rose sat down on her sofa once more, and let her voice fall into a comforting tone. “I’m sure. I’ll come and help with everything.”

“When are you coming, then?” 

Rose opened her laptop, the screen coming to life again. She started looking for flights to Atlanta, and told Shane so. “I’ll text you when I get a ticket, if you could pick me up from the airport?”

“I’ll do that. See you soon, Rosie. Be careful.”

Rose ended the call with a smile on her face. Just a few days, and she would see her brother, nephew and Shane again.

\---

Time had never passed as slowly as it did as Rose waited for Friday and her flight to Atlanta. A very expensive flight, since she hadn’t looked at the price. She could afford it, but it left a hole into her account.

Rose’s job got more tiring every day. Usually she taught groups of thirty, but the students had dwindled to around ten. Most of the kids with wealthy parents had taken off to their remote holiday locations in hopes of riding out the flu, which had spread from the East Coast. The ones who stayed didn't have anywhere better to go. The grocery stores in Rose’s town had suffered a wild wave of scared customers stocking up for the worst. The drugstore just few blocks from Rose's apartment had been robbed by a group of armed men. They had killed the owner when she had tried to stop them.

Rumors about Wildfire had gotten increasingly worse. Even actual news stations had started showing the clips filmed in China; grainy, shaky videos displaying rows of covered bodies and mass graves filled with bloody corpses. The flu had infected so large parts of Asia that normal life had ceased to exist there.

Rose had skipped the preparations every other person in her town seemed to be doing. She would be out of town soon anyways, so stocking her fridge would be just a waste of money. She had checked her medications, though, just to be sure.

A CDC specialist on the news had urged people to upkeep good hygiene while in public, and to avoid contact with people that had fallen ill. She had assured that they were close to figuring out the flu, and that soon Wildfire would be a past worry.

The crazy rumors about rabid people and bodies coming back to life _had_ to be a joke. A twisted, fucked up joke.

Getting ready on Friday morning, Rose decided to skip her usual news recap. No need to worry herself when she would be with her family soon.

Her suitcase was standing ready next to her front door, her plane ticket printed inside her bag. After school, she would come back home, eat a light lunch and drive to the airport. Rose would be in Atlanta before Friday was over.

Rose heard her neighbor on the apartment on top of her knocking down things in his kitchen. She had never seen the man, but he seemed not to be a morning person. She didn’t take notice of the clunking sounds afterwards. Everyone had their right to privacy, after all.

Rose was putting everything she needed for her last day together when she heard a crash outside her apartment. She dropped her bag, laptop and all, to the floor and rushed to her front door. Opening it, she could see that two cars had crashed _hard_ into each other on the apartment complex’s parking lot. It didn’t look pretty.

“You gotta be kidding me”, she moaned out when she saw the drivers hadn’t only crashed their own cars, but _Rose’s_ _car_ as well. She needed that car!

“C’mon, how am I going to get to work?” Rose asked no-one at particular, leaning against the railing on the open hallway outside her apartment. The school wasn’t that far - that’s her reasoning behind choosing an apartment instead of an actual house - but she couldn’t get to the airport on foot. She needed a car for that.

It was pure luck that saved Rose from certain death.

She heard a shuffle of feet over her, from the third floor as stepped back from where she had been leaning on the railing. A bloody form fell from the upper level, hands reaching towards Rose. It felt like forever as Rose stared at his upstairs neighbor’s foggy eyes and yellow teeth as he tried to grab her. After he fell past, Rose rushed forwards to see him fall. He landed on top of a red car with a sick sound. His body was positioned unnaturally, no way had he survived the fall.

Knees weak, Rose stared in shock as the man - the _corpse_ \- started moving. It reached for her, jaws snapping ravenously.

It wanted her, it wanted to _feed on her._

_\---_

Shane stood in front of Rick's hospital bed.

His best friend - his _brother_ \- slept on, even as gunshots rang outside the door.

"Please, Rick, wake up", Shane urged, putting his hands on Rick's shoulders and shaking the other man. He didn't react, and the machine connected to him continued beeping steadily. "We have to go."

A small form hugged Shane tightly from behind, a young face peeking behind his back. "Is dad dead?" Carl asked, tears streaming down his face.

"No, he isn't. But it's not safe here anymore, we have to bring him with us to Atlanta", Shane told Carl. What the hell was he going to do? Rick was in a _coma_ , he didn't know how to take care of someone in that state! If he had only Rick to worry of, Shane would stay in the hospital with him. But he had to keep Carl safe. He had promised Rick and Rose that he would.

The door to Rick's room started to open, and Shane pulled Carl quickly behind the bed, putting his hand over the boy's mouth to keep him silent. He waited, holding his breath, as one of the soldiers shooting in the hallways checked the room. His legs shook, ready to get up and protect Rick if the gunman tried to harm him. It was a few tense minutes, before the door shut and they were alone once more.

"Okay, okay", Shane muttered after they had straightened up. He reached for the chart at the end of the bed and tried to make sense of the medical jargon. 

"What are you doing?" Carl whispered, grip even tighter after the scare.

Shane sighed, shutting his eyes. He leaned over Rick's middle, hugging him tightly. "We can't take your dad with us, Carl. He won't survive without the medicine, and we can't take it with us."

Carl's cries got louder, and he leaned over Rick as well. "We have to do something. We can't leave dad like this!"

Nodding, Shane started going through the shelves in the room. "We'll leave a message for him, tell where to find us." He pulled out a notebook and pen and gave them to Carl. "Write a letter to your dad. Tell him we're going to Atlanta, to the army camp."

The boy's whole face brightened at Shane's words. "When dad wakes up he can come to us!"

It took all of Shane's power to not cry in front of Carl and his childlike optimism. The two of them had a chance of survival, but he didn't see how Rick could survive on his on.

When Carl was focused on his note, Shane leaned closer to Rick. "I promise I'll look after him. I'll keep him safe", Shane whispered. He wouldn't break his promise.


	2. Song Of The Sparrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Dave have a heart to heart, and Rose struggles with finding her family.

_We'll fall just like stars being hung by only string_

_Everything, everything, here is gone_

_No map can direct how to ever make it home_

_We're alone, we're alone, we're alone_

_Oh take it all away_

William Fitzsimmons - I Don't Feel It Anymore (Song Of The Sparrow)

\---

The quarry looked hundred times more ominous at night. Shane could only see how defenseless their little gathering was when he stood watch on top of the old man’s RV. The forest surrounding the large open area could hid large numbers of walkers without them noticing before it was too late.

It had been a rough few days. As their food supplies started dwindling, the people gathered grew more worried. Some were hostile enough that Shane had to step in with his posturing police persona he hated to use. It worked though, to some extent, and the order stayed.

Atlanta had been a total shitshow. Shane didn’t know what he would have done if the people around them on the highway hadn’t asked him and Carl with them. Leaving Rick behind hurt Shane to the core, and it was difficult for him to stay focused on Carl’s well-being and their survival. Just the thought of Rick waking up _somehow_ and going blind to Atlanta following their note, only to end up as walker food… Shane shivered in the warm breeze of the night.

At least he had managed to send a text to Rose before his phone had stopped working. ‘ _Going to army camp in Atlanta, taking Rick with us. Stay safe’_ was the best he had managed between the quick, terrifying drive from his house to the hospital. He might not have been able to update Rose on them leaving without Rick - and not actually getting to Atlanta - but maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was better that Rose could think that Shane had Rick and Carl in safety, than worrying about them.

“Hey, I’m coming up”, the old man, Dale, whispered from the ground, and Shake was glad for the warning. He had been gripping his gun with white knuckles, and he most likely would have blown the man’s head off before recognizing the floppy fisher’s hat he always wore.

The man was breathing a bit heavier than normal when he got on top of the RV, but he didn’t sit down on the camping chair somebody had left for the people on watch. Instead he put his hands on his hips and looked down at the bottom of the quarry, probably to follow the glimmer of the moon reflecting from the water.

“I heard your boy crying a while back, just thought you should know”, Dale said, turning to look back at Shane.

Head hanging low, Shane let out a long sigh. “He’s missing his parents.” He straightened and met the older man’s eyes. “And he’s not my boy.”

Dale let out a quiet laugh, tipping his hat. “You’re the one taking care of him, the only one he has now. I think that makes him your kid.”

Shane shrugged, scratching the back of his head where sweat was cooling under his hair. Carl had been crying almost every night, asking Shane if Rick was coming back, if Lori was still alive. If only he had the answers. They would help Shane too.

“If you don’t mind me asking”, the old man started, “What happened to his parents?” Now the man sat down on the chair, leaning against the backrest and relaxing his shoulders, even though the seat must have been uncomfortable.

“Carl’s dad was - _is_ \- my partner in the force. We’ve been friends since we we’re younger than Carl. His momma’s only good deed is that she brought Carl to the world. She was a real piece of work, and I don’t know why I never got in between them.” Shane took a deep breath, remembering the way Rick had slowly gotten quieter and quieter as the years went by. When Shane had called Rose about it, she had already known about Lori’s actions for months. “Anyways, she’s somewhere in California. Cut all ties," Shane continued, voice low. “I tried to call her _before_ , but she didn’t answer.”

Dale hummed, resting his jaw against his hands. “I heard California got hit pretty hard.” Then he furrowed his brows, which made him look like a disgruntled muppet in Shane’s opinion, and asked: “What about his dad? Your partner?”

Shane shook his head, and he turned away from the old man to hide his shining eyes. His shoulders tense and shaking, Shane muttered: “He got shot on duty, before. He was in a coma, me an’ Carl tried to go get him but the army was gunning down patients and he was plugged on some machines. We couldn’t do anything.” He sniffed and hanged his head down heavily.

It was quiet for a long time; only the Georgia wind and owls hooting. Then Dale sighed - it seemed to had become the most usual sound in the apocalypse, after screams and cries. “I see," is all he said.

They stayed on top of that RV until the sun started peeking from behind the trees, quiet and deep in their thoughts.

\---

Rose woke to the sun shining straight to her face with the power of a hot, Virginia summer day. She hissed and turned her head away from the light, but it had already drove her sleep away. With a grunt, Rose straightened from the sitting position she had fallen asleep last night, next to the sofa pushed against her front door.

It was hard for Rose to come to terms how quickly everything had gone to shit, and how _absolutely_ alone and helpless she was.

Rick had always kept her safe. He had stopped every bully and steered her away from danger. Rose wasn’t entirely incapable of protecting herself, but she felt there was nothing to do in the situation she was in. She could handle an angsty teen, biased parents or disgruntled people, but what could she do about the _undead?_

She had tried her best, in her very bad situation. It was all thanks to her own stupidity - _the Grimes’ luck_ , her father had said time and time again - that her food supplies were running low after only a week. If she had known the End of the World was coming, she would have stocked up a bit. As it was, she should have been with her family, safe in some army camp in Atlanta, not alone in her apartment.

Luckily, she had some things that gave her an advantage in a world that really wanted her dead. First and foremost, she had some knowledge about survival. Her father had been a hunter, and he had taught both of his children how to handle a gun. She also had one in her person, thanks to Rick and his insistence of her having means to defend herself. The closet in her bedroom had a tent, sleeping bag, portable cooker with full gas, backpack fit for long-term camping, a few knives, hiking boots and equipment needed for camping. She had a fully stocked first-aid kit below her sink and enough batteries to last a lifetime.

What she didn’t have was a plan. Rose wanted to go to her family and make sure they were okay, but they were over 400 miles apart. There had to be a ton of trouble between Virginia and Georgia. Her car had been ruined in the crash, and she didn’t know how to hot-wire one. Rose would need more food, ammo and most of all _knowledge_ before leaving anywhere.

So far Rose had stayed inside her apartment, keeping quiet and studying the undead. The man - _thing_ \- from upstairs had moaned for a long time on top of the car it had landed on before getting distracted by a car alarm coming from somewhere East of Rose’s apartment complex. Then it had rolled from on top of the car and dragged itself away, the useless, broken legs leaving a trail of dark, murky blood behind it.

The people that had crashed into one another on the parking lot had died and come back looking like the _thing_ , and stumbled around the lot, uncaring of their injuries. Rose had a hard time holding back bile when a small, slender body with pink pajamas had joined the corpses’ mindless wandering.

After days of observation Rose had some understanding of how the undead worked. Just like some zombie movies she had seen, they were attracted to sound. They were in a state of nothingness when there was no stimuli, but as soon as they saw movement or heard a noise, they moved. Perhaps the best possible scenario Rose could have hoped for was that they were slow. A runaway dog, with its golden fur muddy, had managed to avoid their reaching hands with ease. However, Rose’s hopes had been crushed when the dog was surrounded and the corpses got a strong hold of it. There was nothing she could have done.

\---

On her 11th day holed up in her apartment, Rose woke to banging on her door. She shot up from her bed, heart beating so fast she felt dizzy. She grabbed her gun that had been loaded and ready on the nightstand, and creeped to the doorway.

“Virginia fire department! If there’s someone alive, call out!” A low, scratchy voice yelled from outside Rose’s front door. _A firefighter?_ What the hell was a firefighter doing there, making so much noise? He was begging for a corpse to eat him alive.

Rose rushed past her kitchen to the living room, dragging her sofa away from where it was blocking the door. She opened her front door with shaking hands, leaving the deadbolt intact. Rose stared at the fireman donned in his outfit, hat and all, with huge eyes. “You’re _alive,"_ she gasped, and before the man got the chance to answer, Rose shut her door and pulled the deadbolt away, opening it again and dragging the man inside.

“Are you crazy? The undead must have heard you hollering from _miles_ away!” Rose hissed at the man, pushing him against the wall next to the door. She grabbed her hair with both hands, pulling it and breathing unevenly. She wasn’t alone anymore, she wasn’t the only one _alive_ , but the man had doomed them to a painful death.

“Calm down, it’s alright. There is no zombies left, I killed them all," the man told Rose, hands up in a placating gesture. He was sweaty underneath his suit, and Rose now noticed how his pants were covered in blood.

“You killed them?” She asked quietly, sitting down heavily to her sofa. The undead could be _killed_.

The firefighter nodded, sitting down on the other end of the sofa. “Just a good, strong hit to the brain, that’s all it takes," he said, miming swinging a baseball bat. He sighed and leaned against the sofa, taking off his hat and tossing it down to the floor.

Rose followed his movements, suddenly uncertain what to say or do. She had been alone for only about a week, but her encounters with others before that had been limited to teaching the few kids still coming to school and the calls with Shane and Carl.

The man saved Rose from the despair of thinking what to say when he offered his hand, smiling lightly: “I’m Matt, Matt Dawson. Nice to meet you.”

Rose looked at the hand for a few seconds before completing the handshake, shaking her head. “Rosemary Grimes. You don’t even know how good it is to see someone alive," she said, and Matt let out a huff of laughter.

“I do know it. You’re the first one I’ve seen in a few days.” The mood plummeted in seconds, and the two of them turned away from each other, holding back words.

Soon Rose got tired of the silence and stood up. “I… I was supposed to fly down to Georgia when this hit, to see my family. My brother’s a cop, and he got shot about a month ago. His best friend is taking care of my nephew," Rose told the man, and her voice was urgent when she said: “I _have_ to get there.”

Matt sighed and scratched his mess of a hair. “That’s a _lot_ of miles to go. Do you have a plan?”

Rose cringed, starting to pace between the sofa and her useless fridge. “My car is one of those crashed outside, so I have no vehicle. But I have a gun and gear to help me there. I was supposed to be flying to Atlanta when this all happened, so I didn’t gather food like everyone else. I need more before I leave.” She threw her hands in the air, and said: “It’s not like I haven’t been doing anything. I just didn’t know how to kill those corpses, or where I could find a car and food.”

She paused when Matt let out a booming laugh, dirty face lighting up with mirth. “Then it’s a good thing that I happened to come knocking on your door, Rosemary.”

\---

Matt drove Rose and her filled-to-the-brim backpack to the other side of the town, where the fire station was located. During the drive he told Rose more about himself; how he had decided to stay and help people with a few other firefighters who had got bitten during the third day and how he had started going through the town systematically to kill the corpses and try to find survivors. He had found some, but they all had either been bit or decided to leave the town. Matt also taught Rose how to kill the corpses, and shared tips about the easiest and quickest ways to do so.

The firefighter guided Rose to the side-entrance of the station and opened the door with a key, gesturing for her to step inside first. The door led to a windowless hallway, but Matt told her to just continue straight until the hallway opened to a large, open space.

“Wow," was all Rose could say as she took in the room. It had clearly been a place for the firefighters to relax during downtime; there were a few old sofas, a long table with chairs on each side, and a kitchen.

Which was full of food.

“I’ve just been gathering all the supplies I’ve come by while I’ve been out," Matt told Rose, shrugging his shoulders like the shelves stocked with cans, fruits, pastas and cookies, not even mentioning the _hundreds_ of bottles of water wasn’t impressive as hell.

Rose turned towards the man, tears building up. “You’re going to give some of this to me? Really?”

The man nodded and strode closer to put a warm hand on top of Rose’s shoulder. “You need food, I got food. I want to help you in any way I can.” He patted Rose’s shoulder a few times before going closer to the food. He took out a few plastic bags from a cabinet and threw them onto the kitchen island. “Now… Do you feel more like spaghetti bolognese, or mac and cheese? Because I have like a thousand cans of them both and I want to get rid of at least some of them," the man asked.

It took Rose a moment to get over the large amount of food there was in front of her. Her plan to get to Atlanta didn’t seem as impossible as it did before. She would have food and water and a _car_ , all thanks to Matt. She knew how to dispose of the undead.

At last, Rose felt like she had a _chance_.

\---

After Rose had cleaned herself up in the fire station’s bathroom that still had running water, Matt helped Rose to carry her backpack and three bags of food to a silver Jeep parked in front of the station. He dug keys from his jacket’s pocket and gave them to Rose. They put the bags to the trunk and turned towards each other to say their goodbyes.

“This used to be my Lieutenant’s car. He won’t be needing it anymore, but it’s in great shape and the tank is full. It’s been just waiting here for somebody to have the use for it," Matt told Rose, smiling sadly.

Rose leaned in to grip the man’s arm and reached to plant a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, truly. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t find me.” She sniffed, trying to hold in tears. “Thanks to you I have a chance to find my family. _Thank you._ ”

Matt wiped a tear from her face, and after a deep breath, reached for the axe he had secured to his belt loop. “Using a gun will make lots of noise. I saw those knives you packed, but you should have something a bit bigger to keep you safe," he said, offering the axe to Rose.

She took the weapon while holding her breath, and turned it this way and that, testing its weight and admiring the blade that was painted red. Rose looked up at Matt’s smiling face, and nodded a few times. “Thanks, Matt. You’re like my guardian angel," she joked, smiling brightly. 

Matt laughed and put his hands into his jacket pockets. “Just don’t forget me. If you get around here again, don’t be a stranger.” Neither of them mentioned how unlikely it was that they would survive for long enough to meet again. It was better to hope.

Rose got into the driver’s seat and turned the car on. Holding back tears, she waved at Matt, who waved back before turning away and walking back towards the station. Rose started forward and steered the car towards South, Georgia and her family.

\---

Rose stared at the city in front of her with tears in her eyes.

Atlanta.

It felt like years since Rose had started towards it from Virginia, and there it finally was. She could see some parts of the city had suffered a great deal, but it shouldn’t be too difficult to go look for the army camp on foot.

Rick, Carl and Shane could be there, just a few miles away. They _had_ to be. Rose hoped she wasn’t too late, that they hadn’t continued onwards without her. Only one way to find out.

Rose had ditched the Jeep somewhere after passing onto Georgia. She had stolen gas from cars left on the road when she had started running low, but in the end it hadn’t been enough. Rose had come across a _plane_ that had fell from the sky on the road, and it blocked the whole open area between the trees surrounding the highway. There was no way around it.

After the Jeep she had continued on foot for about forty miles before finding another car with keys still in the ignition switch. That had eased her journey once more, and getting to Atlanta hadn’t taken but about a week.

The streets were full of corpses.

Rose tried to avoid the biggest groups and sneak past the ones she couldn’t avoid. She had learned how to move quietly during the months traveling to Atlanta. She put down her feet carefully and kept her axe at hand. A few times she had to kill the undead which got too close, but the added stench of the rotting bodies on her helped her hide.

She had liked running, _before_. In high school she had been part of the track team, and it had showed in her legs. Now, even after the monotonous nutrition and added stress, she had put on more muscle. Using the axe Matt had given her wasn’t exactly easy, but she had adapted to it. Now the weapon felt like it was the continuation of her own body.

Rose reached the army camp in the afternoon.

The boiling sun of the end of the summer showed the camp in all of its horror. Rose saw the broken fences, the dead people in littering the ground, dressed in both army uniforms as well as civilian clothing. She saw the undead still stumbling between the tents, but she couldn’t comprehend it. There was blood _everywhere_. Bloody spots showed where the unlucky had been taken down. The corpses stumbling around were covered in blood. The white tents had blood in them.

Rose tried not to, but she still searched for the form of a small boy, for eyes the same shade of blue as hers, a tall strong body and dark hair. Shane had told her they would be here. She didn’t want them to. But if they weren’t here, what had happened to them?

They couldn’t be dead. It wasn’t possible. It was hard, but Rose had to believe that they had somehow changed their plans, that they were somewhere else. Somewhere _safe._

“Hey!” A yell echoed over the groans of the dead. Rose’s head whipped towards the voice, and her breath stopped like somebody had hit her at the sight of a group of men. Hurriedly, she searched through their faces, looking for her family. But no, they were all strangers to her.

And dangerous looking. Rose counted multiple handguns, six bigger guns, too many knives to speak of, and even a crowbar and a baseball bat. The men were armed to the teeth. That assessment was enough to get her itching to run away, but the thing that confirmed her suspicions of the men not being as welcoming as Matt was another yell: "Why don't you come with us and have some _fun_?"

Without another thought, Rose turned away, back from where she had come from, and _ran._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been watching Chicago Fire recently, so I had to include a mention of firefighters in this story. Matt's name is also taken from the show, heh
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter, leave a comment if you have any questions or criticism :)
> 
> (sorry for the dramatic ending, I've been waiting forever to get to use it)


	3. The Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane is a Dad™, Dale's wormy eyebrows are magic, and everyone's favorite cowboy is finally back in business!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the timelines between and inside the chapters can be a bit wonky, but i hope it's still relatively easy to understand everything. if it isn't, though, just leave a message and i'll try my best to explain! :)

_Oh, I've been worrying that my time is a little unclear_

_I've been worrying that I'm losing the ones I hold dear_

_I've been worrying that we all live our lives in the confines of fear_

Ben Howard - The Fear

\---

Shane was down by the lake, trying to scrub away the sweat and dirt from his skin.

Summers in Georgia were always hot, but the heat felt way worse this time around. Like the whole world falling apart wasn’t enough of a headache as it was. All Shane wanted was a cold drink and a proper shower. Instead, he got lukewarm soda from Dale’s seemingly endless cabinets and quick swimming sessions down by the lake.

“Shane, there’s fish!” Carl gasped, mouth open in awe. The boy was slowly getting better - not like he didn’t have the right to cry about leaving his dad behind - and now he spoke more and even played with the other kids at the camp. Sophia, Carol’s girl, was as quiet as Carl, and they seemed to like reading comics or books by themselves. It was also good that Shane could trust on Carol to look after Carl while Shane spent the days trying to keep the group together.

Shane waded through the water back to Carl, who was sitting on a big rock by the shore, drying himself and his clothes on the last hours of sunlight for the day. “Yes, there is. Your daddy ever take you fishing?” Shane asked, even though he knew the answer. Rick had taken Carl out once, and the kid had talked about it for weeks.

Nevertheless, the question got the kid smiling from ear to ear. “Yeah! We got so many, but we let most of them go because they were so small. But we took some home and ate them”, the boy explained. He kicked his feet in the water, smiling up at Shane. The man couldn’t help but smile back. He sat down next to Carl and shook his head like a wet dog. Carl burst into giggles, and leaned towards Shane. He pressed himself against Shane’s side, uncaring of the wet clothes.

Shane put his arm over Carl’s shoulder and tucked the boy closer. The water in front of them was calm and the whole moment was like out of a daydream. Wind carried the sounds from the camp down to the lake, mimicking the constant sounds from before. Shane could hear their mismatched group starting to settle down for the day. Soon the two of them would have to start trekking back to the camp if they wanted their dinner hot, even though Shane was sure at least Dale would set aside enough for the two of them, if Andrea or Carol didn’t do it first.

The tentative friendship he had somehow started with the old man surprised Shane a little. Maybe it was that he reminded him a bit of Rick's father, before he got too sick to look after the two men anymore. More likely it was that it felt good to be able to ask for advice when others in the group turned to him for help. Dale was smart and had a good read on the people in their camp. Although his expressive eyebrows combined with the floppy hat made him look like a movie character at times.

Shane had talked a bit more about _before_ with the man; about Rick, the years spent as the third kid in the Grimes' household, some cases he had worked on as an officer, the renovations he had made on the house his grandma had left for him. Dale had told about his wife, his life in Florida and some stories from his younger days. The old coot had asked if Shane ever had a _"dame"_ before, and when he had told that he had never really been serious with any woman, he had asked about any possible _"beaus"._ Shane had stared back at the man with red cheeks, and after some further questioning, had admitted that _yes, he had been interested in a certain woman_ and that _no, he had never really done anything about it_. The fact that the woman in question was his best friend's younger sister was left unsaid, but something told Shane that the older man knew it without him saying it.

“You know what”, Shane said quietly, petting Carl’s damp hair. The boy looked up at him in question, so he put on his winning smirk - that Rick had joked made him look like a leprechaun - and asked: “What do you say if we, just the two of us, took some time tomorrow and tried to catch some of the fish down here?”

Carl’s way of answering was to let out a triumphant yell and hug Shane tightly. Shane hugged the boy back tightly and stared at the water. It was colored the same blue as the blue of Carl’s - and Rick and Rose’s - eyes.

\---

“I’ll come back soon, Carl. You just start sleeping, I won’t take long”, Shane murmured to Carl from the opening of the tent. 

The boy was already in his pajamas - a shirt Morales had given the boy after Shane had noticed that they hadn’t really packed any proper nightclothes - and inside the sleeping bag. He nodded sleepily at Shane and turned his back to the man, already breathing so deeply that Shane knew it wouldn’t take long before he was asleep.

With a fond sigh, Shane crawled out of the tent and closed the zipper of the mosquito net. If the boy awoke before he was back, he would be able to see to the RV. That’s where Shane headed. He tried to keep his steps quiet so as not to bother the others. It was sometime close to midnight, and most of the group had already turned in for the day. Only the Dixon brothers had a light on inside their tent, and the familiar hue of Dale’s camping lantern was coming from inside the RV.

The man in question opened the camper’s door after Shane knocked on it a few times. Dale was still dressed in his day clothes, although he had put down his fisher’s hat. “Come in, come in”, the man greeted Shane, going back in.

“You had something you wanted to talk to me about?” Shane asked after the two of them had sat down over the table. Dale handed him a glass of water that they boiled from the lake to use as drinking water, and Shane took it with a nod.

The old man took a deep breath and leaned his elbows on the table, big brows furrowing. “I know that we don’t exactly have a leader going on here, but that you’re the closest one to earn that title”, he started, causing Shane to put down his glass with a sigh.

He already knew that Dale wanted them to have a vote on a leader, to clear out any underlying tension within the group. Shane agreed to the plan, somewhat, but he didn’t want to be the leader himself. That had always been Rick’s job; he had been the one with a higher status between the two of them, and Shane was happy with it. He didn’t feel like he was fit to lead anyone, and definitely not in a world gone mad.

Dale seemed to have understood Shane’s thoughts, and he put up his arms in a placating gesture. “I am not to argue about that with you again. Not right now.”

“Then what?” Shane asked, leaning back against the seating’s padding. He hoped it was not one of the old man’s tangents about trying to work out a _plan._ Shane was already using all of his energy to keep his own head up, he couldn’t decide on what their group should do besides waiting for someone more skilled to come by.

“It’s the young man, Glenn”, Dale said, voice heavy. “He’s been going back to the city for weeks now, and it’s clear it won’t be long before he _doesn’t_ come back. There’s too many of the dead in the city for him to get by on his own. I understand he knows the city best amongst everyone in here - I know - but it won’t help him if he gets surrounded.” The old man straightened out his shoulders and said, voice steadfast: “He can’t go into Atlanta alone.”

Shane scratched the back of his hair, which was still clean after his swim with Carl earlier on the day. Dale was right, like the man seemed to be most of the time. The Asian kid had been going back to Atlanta about three times a week ever since they found the quarry, but lately he had been coming back later and later, more tired and frazzled than before. His help to the group was invaluable; Glenn brought back food, hygiene products, medicine, anything and everything he found while he mapped out the edges of the city.

“What do you suggest we do about it? Glenn isn’t really one to work in a group, he has said many times that he’s better and quicker on his own”, Shane asked Dale.

The old man smiled, satisfied, and said: _“You_ can talk to him. In the morning. Tell that it isn’t safe for him to go alone anymore, and that he needs at least two others to accompany him. We can ask around the camp, I’m sure we’ll get enough people to volunteer, it’s for a good cause after all.”

Shane shook his head, hands around the glass of water. _Of course._ The old coot struck again; now the idea was Shane’s, not his.

“I’ll try. I can’t promise he’ll listen to me, though”, Shane muttered after a while, hanging his head in defeat.

Dale smirked, slapping the table with one of his hands. “He’ll listen to you, I know it.”

\---

Shane was having second thoughts about sending so many people to Atlanta when the sun was starting to travel back down from the sky and there still wasn’t a sight of the scavenging group. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to let the older Dixon brother leave the camp, or Andrea with her bursting determination to show her skills but no really skills to talk about. Shane had seen Morales and T-Dog handling their weapons well, so he had chosen them easily. Jacqui was another case altogether, but the woman had told the group she had lived in Atlanta for years and knew the city’s layout.

“There’s no reason to worry yet”, Dale said from where he was on watch on top of the RV. Shane looked up at him with his hands on his hips. “It could be they’re making good progress since there’s many of them, or that they found something good and they didn’t notice the time going by.”

Shane pointed up at the old man, voice low enough to not reach the others of the group busy with their duties: “If they get back even one man short I’m going to say _I told you so.”_

_\---_

It was late into the evening when the calm of the camp was broken by a car alarm.

The sound echoed in the quarry, making it hard to point where it was coming from. Shane rushed on top of the RV where Amy was on watch, and scanned the only road leading out of the quarry.

 _There,_ a bright red sports car with blinking lights and the loudest alarm Shane has heard in a while. He turned towards the small group already gathering by the RV and yelled: “Anyone with any weapons, stay here! The rest of you, get the kids to somewhere safe and keep quiet.”

People urged to follow his commanding police officer voice, and soon there was a small group of armed men and women ready by the parked cars, waiting for the mystery car to come closer.

The sports car curved into an empty spot between the cars, and Shane lifted his shotgun to point the driver’s side. He lowered it quickly, however, when Glenn jumped from the car with a giant grin stuck on his face. “Hey, everybody!” He yelled, happy and carefree and clearly not thinking how much _noise_ the car alarm caused.

“Shut it off!” Shane urged the young man, striding closer quickly. 

“I- I don’t know how!” Glenn shouted back, and Shane let out an annoyed growl. Thankfully Jim, one of the lone men in their group, went to the car and opened its hood and ripped some part out of the engine, finally quieting the loud alarm.

Shane turned back towards Glenn and pointed at him with an accusing finger, anger clear on his face. “What the hell was that? Do you have any idea how many walkers that noise probably attracted after you? Where the fuck are the others?”

The young man looked down on his dusty sneakers, his cheeks flaming red. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it like that. It was a distraction, for the walkers.” He looked back up at Shane and the others behind him, who were brandishing their pistols, baseball bats and crowbars, but who were quickly calming down since there was no immediate danger. “The others are just behind me, I lured the walkers blocking their way, they should be here soon.”

“Are they okay? Is Andrea alright?” Amy asked from behind Shane, voice urgent and worried. The young woman had been pacing the camp ever since the scavenging group left, too worried of her older sister to do anything else.

Glenn nodded, a slight smile on his face. “Yeah, she’s fine. They all are.” His face fell, and he scanned the group. When he didn’t see who he was looking for, he leaned towards Shane and whispered: “Dixon got stuck, we had to leave him behind.”

Shane sighed, hanging his head. The older Dixon had been nothing but trouble, but the younger brother was a good shot with his crossbow and returned from his hunting trips with lots of meat every time he went out. He was out now as well, but it wouldn’t be long before he was back. Of course, Shane had to be the one to tell the bad news, since he couldn’t let Glenn do it either. Dixon would eat him alive.

Shane’s worried thoughts were broken by the arrival of a U-Haul truck. Everyone gathered out seemed to let out a relieved breath at the same time, and the mood around the camp immediately calmed down. Their scavenger group was back, even if short one man.

The Atlanta survivors started to trickle from the back of the truck. Morales hugged his wife and kids tightly, and he nodded at Shane over his wife's shoulder with sharp eyes. Amy and Andrea met each other in a tight hug, the younger sister letting out a few tears against Andrea’s neck. Jacqui was deep in conversation with T-Dog and they walked straight past the gathered group of welcomers, their faces heavy with emotion.

Carl was suddenly pressed against Shane’s side, and one look down at the boy told Shane that he was sad. They got their people back, but Rick was still out there somewhere, perhaps already dead. Shane put his hand down on the boy’s shoulder and tried to offer him some comfort. He knew Carl’s pain, the boy wouldn’t have go through it on his own.

“Hey, helicopter boy! Come out and introduce yourself”, Morales hollered suddenly, his voice loud. Shane’s gaze whipped back towards the truck he had thought was already empty, but no.

There, stepping out of the driver’s seat, was a man. A man dressed in the uniform of a King County police officer. A man Shane knew. _It couldn’t be._ He was dead. He was still stuck in his hospital bed, chained to the machines that kept Shane from taking him with them.

 _“Dad!”_ Carl yelled, sobbing already. The boy sprinted towards Rick - _Rick was alive, he was here, he was okay_ \- and Shane scrambled after him, knees weak and heart trying to burst out of his chest.

Rick caught Carl with the instincts of a father used to his kid throwing himself without a care, and fell down on the ground clutching his boy close to his chest. Shane stumbled the last few steps towards his _brother_ and pulled the Grimes’ men closer, safe in his arms. Rick completed their embrace by taking a bruising hold of Shane’s shoulder and pressing his forehead against Shane’s shoulder.

Rick was alive, he was okay, and he had found his way back to his boy. Shane got his brother back. He wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

Rick was _back._


	4. In The Woods Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what happened to Rose, and the quarry groups has some trouble.
> 
> \---
> 
> WARNING: there's some mentions of rape, bodily harm and death, read at your own caution!

_The creature lunged_

_I turned and ran_

_To save a life_

_I didn't have_

Hozier - In The Woods Somewhere

\---

Rose bolted away like a rabbit running from a fox. With two options available, fight or flight, her instincts picked the second one without hesitation. There was no thought, only action.

She needed to get away.

Choosing speed over staying silent, Rose blasted past groups of the undead. She circled around them just far enough to stay away from their grappling hands.

Left. Right. Straight until the art gallery, then left. Through a tight alleyway between a laundromat and a locksmith. Rose tried to count the turns, follow her own steps back to the edge of the city. She hoped she could get away and hide.

As Rose turned a corner she wasted a few seconds to turn her head so that she could estimate the distance between her and the men. Her heart beat wildly as she took in the group of men following her, some running, some following in a car. It had only been a second before she was focused on her running once more, but Rose had seen the looks on their faces.

It was pure hunger, and they were craving her.

She wanted to hide, anywhere, even amongst the undead, if that’s what it took to get away from the men. Being bit was preferable to getting caught. Rose just hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

As a last resort to get away, Rose threw her backpack away. Inside were all of her memories, food and equipment, but it was a small loss if it allowed her to continue running for just a bit longer. She needed all the advantage she could get. At least she still had her axe, which she gripped with white knuckles.

Their steps echoed behind, closing in on her. Rose’s mind was filled with horrible images. She had heard of women being raped for less, and she knew the inhibition that existed _before_ had to have been destroyed along with the rest of the civilized world. There would be no passer-by to take notice, no police to stop the men from doing what they wanted to do.

What an irony, that the first people she met in Atlanta _after_ were the worst of _before._

Terrible thoughts crossed Rose’s mind as her legs started to wobble. The sudden sprint was too much for her. She may have been part of a running team in her teens, but she had gotten lazy in the years after graduating. And before didn’t matter now, after weeks filled with stress, sleep-deprivation and inconsistent food. Rose was simply too weak to go on for much longer.

Rose thought of her family. Rick and the way he had quietly taken care of her for years, her mom braiding her hair when she had been little, her dad smiling softly even when surrounded by death on his hospital bed. Little Carl and the love that had coursed through Rose when she had first held him, even memories of Lori when she and Rick had just started dating, before she turned controlling. She missed them with all her being.

\---

Going to Atlanta had been a fool’s errand.

Shane was sure he was going to be following Rick around wherever he went, too scared to leave his brother out of his sight, but tagging along to save a drug addict of a Dixon - handcuffed on a roof with a herd of walkers craving his guts - had to be one of Rick’s dumbest ideas.

Although the roof had been empty when they arrived, no sign of the older Dixon, the trip hadn’t been completely useless. Rick’s bag full of guns felt comforting strapped to Shane’s back as they navigated the streets back to their truck. It was lighter after their trip to the nursing home, but giving the people there a fighting chance felt right. Shane had helped Rick choose which weapons to give away, and he hoped the men there would survive through _whatever_ the world was nowadays.

It had all went so well. Rick was alright, Glenn was more spooked than anything, and although Daryl was quieter than before the man was still with them, so Shane had stupidly let his guard down. The quarry was safe, the mismatched tents and the RV already named _home_ in his mind. He had managed to swipe some books after they turned back, and Shane couldn’t wait to see the wide smile on Carl’s face when he gave them to the boy.

  
  


Glenn was the first to hear the yelling.

“There’s something wrong”, the Asian kid pointed out, and a tight look from Rick was all it took for Shane to force the truck to go faster. Whatever it was - unsatisfied people causing problems now that Shane was gone, new people finding their way in or walkers stumbling to camp - the four men all thought of the same thing: they had left the others without proper protection.

And it was all their fault.

\---

She had to try harder. Rose couldn’t give up just because her legs weren’t strong enough to get her to safety. The men were bigger and stronger than her, but those traits were also weaknesses. She had to be clever to outsmart them.

There! Rose ducked away from the main road to one of the side alleys she had passed on her way to the army camp. If she was fast, Rose was sure she could lose the men in the small, tight spaces between the buildings.

For a while it really seemed like her plan would work. She heard the car’s brake whine, the alleyways were too narrow for the pickup truck. The ones following her on foot were also forced to slow down, since the walls graced their shoulders.

Rose was just running through a small opening between a bike shop and a cafe when she was roughly tackled to the ground. She tried to break the fall with her arms, which caused her right hand to snap and jolt with burning pain. The sick crunch of a bone breaking forced a cry out from between her lips.

The world around Rose blanked for a few terrifying seconds as her head collided with the asphalt, the skin on her cheek scraped off by the uneven surface.

She was back to the present as quickly as she had been out of it, and she shoved her left elbow back with all her strength. It met its target, and the man above her howled in pain. Quickly, Rose rolled away from her attacker and back to her feet.

Her axe was out of the game - it lied on the ground next to the cursing man holding his hands over his stomach - so Rose pulled out a knife from her belt. She kept her eyes on the man, who slowly straightened up as well.

His face and clothes were dirty, blonde hair greasy and cut unevenly. It was clear that he hadn’t been close to a model citizen _before,_ and he was certainly nothing like it now. His dark eyes shone with disgusting thoughts, and the look almost made Rose to give up.

But Rose was a Grimes, and Grimes’ didn’t give up without a fight. She balanced her stance, hardened her face and blocked out the pain pulsating from her right arm.

Rose tried to lash towards the man with her knife - maybe she would be able to bring the man down if she was to go - but he kicked her back to the ground with no difficulty. She fell to her back, tears escaping from the corners of her eyes. The man let out a loud, long whistle and pulled out a handgun. He pointed it straight between Rose’s brows and licked his dry lips, grin wide and sickening. 

The man continued her assault, kicks raining around Rose’s torso. She had never been kicked at before. She had never experienced pain like that, air leaving her lungs without her say-so. Trying to breath was impossible with lungs that felt too small for her body.

“Where’s the hurry, _huh,_ bitch?” The man yelled between his kicks, and he would have probably continued his hits if the other men hadn’t reached them.

“Let… Let me go, please”, Rose gasped, rolling to her side to cover her stomach with her legs. She cradled her broken arm closer to her body, the throbbing pain slipping to the background as she shook on the ground.

One of the men grabbed her braid, his dirty nails scratching her scalp, and pushed Rose’s face hard against the ground. “Oh, we got ourselves a pretty one, boys!” He hollered to his buddies, who Rose could hear around them, circling around like hyenas around an unlucky prey.

Laughter bursted around them as the man ground down on her backside with his groin. Rose bit down on her lower lip harshly to stop the tears trying to burst out. She shut her eyes tight, blocking every image from her mind.

“Let’s go, the deadies are gettin’ too close”, a slurred, drunk voice called out from somewhere around her. Rose was too busy trying to block out the actions of the man above her to care where.

She was surrounded, she wasn’t going to get out of this. She knew what was going to happen, and she wouldn’t be able to stop it.

“We’ll have turns with you, princess. You’ll be begging for it in no time”, the animal of a man above her threatened. Rose gagged. She didn’t have enough energy to even get sick anymore.

\---

“We can’t stay here anymore”, Rick said, voice strong and echoing in the silence death had brought upon the camp.

With one bad decision and a bunch of bad luck, their group had dwindled to less than half of what it was just a day before. Now, huddled close together over a fire, guns at ready, were the lucky ones - if it even was lucky living anymore.

Shane stood a few steps behind Rick, shotgun loaded. Carl was huddled under his shoulder, tremors going over his little body from time to time. Dale was still covered in blood, Amy and Andrea flanking him with matching pale faces. Jim was pacing behind the trio, still shook about almost being bit. Glenn, Carol, little Sophia, Morales and his family, T-Dog. Daryl Dixon was the farthest from the fire, sticking to the shadows. The flames glinted in his eyes and made him look like some nocturnal animal rather than a man.

“Where would we even go?” Carol asked, arms tight around her daughter. His husband was somewhere around their tent, skull mashed to little pieces. Her back was already straighter, and Shane blamed himself for not intervening with the abuse he knew happened every day.

Rick sighed and pinched the corners of his eyes. He turned to share a look with Shane, and he nodded grimly. They had been talking about it between the two of them on their way to Dixon. Rick squared his shoulders and met the eyes of the group he was suddenly the leader of, the one making the decisions.

“We’re going to the CDC.”

\---

Now Rose knew it. She would die. By the threats and the obvious evidence pressing against her thigh, she wasn’t going to be killed quickly. She would be destroyed from the inside out, and _then_ killed. Maybe they wouldn’t even need to kill Rose, maybe she would just die on her own.

Her only hope was that her family was somewhere out there, safe and far away from savages like _them._ Even if she wouldn’t pull through - even _when_ she would crumble - Rose hoped that her family would survive.

Before she was dragged away, Rose stared up to the sky peeking from between buildings, and prayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did some of you notice I added one more chapter and made this into a series? ;)


	5. Blood I Bled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and the gang stumble through life, and Rose goes through some heavy things.
> 
> WARNING!!! for descriptions of abuse and rape. I'll mark the beginning of those parts with *** instead of --- so that you can skip through them if you don't feel comfortable reading them. It's not necessary to read through them to understand the story. Stay safe everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long ass wait. My parents went mental and got rid of our only computer (?), and I can't get to the writing groove on my phone. Anyways, all of these crazy things happened and I am currently locked in between four walls with my parents (please help), but the good thing is that they finally bought a computer! I'm slowly getting back to writing, but I hope I'll be able to finish this part of this series very soon. Thank you for waiting so long for me :)

_You cut my roots and now my leaves are dead_

_They tumble down in pools of all the blood I bled_

The Staves - Blood I Bled

\---

  
CDC stood strong and silent, untouched by the chaos and ruin all around it. The surrounding streets were a battlefield - there were haphazardly built barriers on the roads and a _tank_ next to the entrance. The ground was littered with bodies, most of them in their army uniforms.

Rick looked grim behind the wheel. It had been stressful for the man, Shane knew. Waking up from a coma, finding the world burning… Just how his brother still managed to find them, he didn’t know. The man had taken the duty of being a leader on his shoulders - on top of everything else he was already going through - and Shane blamed his own cowardice. He had thrust the job to Rick almost the minute he had stepped back in to their lives, just because he didn’t feel confident enough. Now all Shane could do was to lighten his best friend’s load any way he could.

“There are no lights inside,” Rick pointed out. He took out his revolver and checked the ammo. Shane lifted his shotgun from where it had been laying between his legs and did the same.

“Somebody has to still be in there, it’s not like the army would have protected the building if there wasn’t anyone holed up inside,” Shane answered, shrugging. It had been on the news, _before,_ that there was an elite group trying to find a cure. For sure _some_ of them were still alive.

Rick sighed and pressed fingers tightly to the inner corners of his eyes. “Alright. Let’s get out, take our gear, and go for the front door.” He put his hand on the door handle, but turned to look at Shane right at the eye. “If there’s any trouble, you take Carl and get away from here as fast as you can.”

Shane stared back at the bright blue eyes holding his breath. This, _this,_ Shane could do. He nodded. “I’ll keep him safe. No matter what.”

***

Rose wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It might have been days, or maybe even years.

The room _they_ had thrown her into was dark and damp. The summer heat didn’t reach her jail cell, and she went through stages of shivering because of the cold and because of _them._ The only items in the room were the bare mattress in one end and a bucket in the other. _They_ gave her water and food maybe once a day, and at first Rose had used that to keep track of the time.

After _they_ had broken her hand again, she had stopped counting. It wasn’t like Rose could do anything, with her arms bound together and legs too weak to carry her.

She remembered the pain, could still feel it every time her heart pulsed, but it was duller now. Rose remembered passing out once or maybe nine times, and being pulled back from the blackness to more pain.

She didn’t know what hurt the most; her arm, the deep scratches on her cheek and forehead from the fall, her ribs aching after every breath, or the never-ending agony between her thighs. 

All Rose knew was that she wouldn’t be able to go on for much further. She could feel her strength leaking out of her body slowly, every day harder to get through than the last.

She hoped her family was alright.

\---

“There’s no way through the blockage,” Shane grunted as he sat down next to Rick, sharing the small sliver of shadow the RV created. It was another hot summer day, and _before_ they would have spent it either holed up inside under the AC or swimming in the neighborhood lake. Now all they could do was to try find some cover and wait it out. It didn't help that everyone were already tired and tense after leaving Jacqui and Jim behind, no matter how the two had wanted to die peacefully.

It was just their luck to get stuck on the highway. There were so many cars in front of them that there was no use to waste their energy pushing them away. At least there were no walkers groaning around them yet, even though it was only a matter of time before they were found.

“We could turn around, try some of these smaller roads,” Rick suggested, pointing at a few roads marked on their map. “I should have thought about it, of course the highway would be blocked.”

“Hey,” Shane grunted, waving one of his hands lazily and wiping sweat from his brow with the other. “You couldn’t have known that. The road’s been alright before, this is the first time there’s been this many cars.”

Rick was going to say something, probably to argue back and blame it all on himself like he always did, but Glenn’s hiss stopped him.

“There’s a ton of them! A _herd!”_

Shane bolted upright, but by the time he had blinked away the spots in his eyes Rick had already pulled himself on top of the RV. He took the binoculars Glenn offered and searched the road ahead of them quickly.

The rest of their small group came closer to the RV, every single one of them as sweaty and tired-looking as Shane felt. Carl came and leaned against his side, and Shane could feel how hot his small body felt even through layers of clothing.

“Go and hide. Keep quiet,” Rick hissed from on top of the RV. In the second between his words and everyone scattering to find shelter, he sent a stern look towards Shane. He knew immediately what his friend meant, and pulled Carl closer.

The boy let out a squeak as Shane lifted him up and almost threw him inside the RV in his haste. Shane climbed in as well, and Dale was just steps behind.

“Carl, take this,” Shane said and gave the boy the knife from his belt, “and go hide in the bathroom. Lock the door.” The boy, now pale and scared, nodded and stumbled towards the small room.

“Okay. Let’s block the door and try to cover the windows,” Dale suggested, and Shane nodded grimly. 

The two of them worked quickly and as quietly as they could. It wasn’t long before Shane could hear the groans and shuffling of the walkers, and he pulled Dale towards the back of the RV. Shane stepped in front of him, another knife in his hands and his gun ready, just in case. He could hear Glenn and Rick moving on top of the RV and hoped everyone had found a safe place to hide.

They didn’t need any more deaths.

***

It was late afternoon - or that’s at least what Rose thought - when the door opened with a loud slam and the room was bathed in harsh light.

“There you are,” one of _them_ said mockingly. Like Rose _could_ be anywhere else. She didn’t think of a funny quip to say back, however. She closed her eyes tightly and pushed her face against the mattress, trying to forget about everything happening _there_ by breathing in the smell of her sweat, tears and fear.

Rose jolted when he took hold of her legs and dragged her closer. She whimpered when he pulled down her pants that she had pulled up after every single time. With no wait, he pushed inside and started moving.

Cries burst out of her, it was unbearable. Rose hugged herself tightly and tried to think of anything else. She thought of her old job, the kids she had taught, childhood summers spent swimming in the lake not far from home, _anything_ other than what was really happening.

The smell of cigarette and booze penetrated through Rose’s thoughts. He absolutely _reeked_ of them. Rose gagged but forced the bile down; she was hungry enough without puking the small amount of food _they_ gave him.

He forced her to lift her legs up, almost folding her in half. “Open your eyes,” he hissed, and Rose couldn’t help but comply. The image was unclear through her tears, but it burned into her mind nevertheless. He was so close to her Rose could feel his breath on her face. Brown, hazel eyes stared right back at her, devoid of any emotion, big mouth open in an animalistic sneer, teeth dirty. Ratty blonde hair moved in rhythm with his thrusts.

It felt like a million years, but in reality it was closer to a few minutes. He finished with a grunt, slapped her already aching cheek and let out a loud, satisfied burp before leaving.

The door was locked behind him, and Rose was left all alone in the darkness to sob her hurt to the mattress.

\---

“I should have gone with him,” Rick sighed.

They were all gathered around the RV, silent and tense. Shane could hear Andrea and Amy trying to comfort Carol inside the vehicle. The small woman’s cries would haunt Shane’s thoughts for days, he was sure of it.

Why hadn’t he thought of taking care of the others when the herd came? The RV would have easily fit more people inside it. If Shane had thought further than keeping his promise to Rick, this all could have been avoided.

Now Carol’s little girl Sophia was missing. Dixon had bolted after her the minute he had heard of it, but not before snarling at Rick and blaming it all on him.

Shane offered his water bottle to Rick and mumbled: “Don’t worry, Dixon will be back soon to annoy us all.” His attempt at brightening the mood didn’t seem to work, so he leaned closer to the other man and put the half empty bottle down next to him. “He’s a good tracker, Rick. He’ll be back with Sophia soon.”

Rick didn’t answer, but he did take a sip of the water. Shane counted that as somewhat of a win.

  
  
  


The day was slowly creeping towards night, easing the sweltering heat but making them more nervous. Shane didn’t feel much like eating, and Carl and Rick were too distracted to notice him dishing out most of the dinner ravioli to their plates. Dale went inside the RV to give the women their meals, but spent most of his time on top of his RV, binoculars at hand. Glenn and T-Dog were speaking quietly with each other, sneaking glances to the part of the forest where Dixon had rushed into already hours ago.

“Shane,” Dale called for him, and Shane was glad for the distraction. He got up and went to Dale, who had created some distance between them and the others. The old man looked serious, brows furrowed worriedly.

“Are we going to stay the night here?”

“I don’t know,” Shane sighed. He scratched the back of his head, one of his nervous ticks he had tried to get rid of, and shrugged his shoulders slightly. “I don’t really know what we should do. It’s not safe to go after Dixon and Sophia when it’s dark, and we can’t move without them knowing, but it’s not exactly secure to stay here either.”

Dale put a hand on his shoulder, and Shane was surprised by how comforting the gesture really was. “Daryl’s a great tracker. I’m sure he has already found Sophia. I don’t know why they aren’t back yet, but they’re both okay. I’m sure of it.”

“I wish Rick thought the same,” Shane muttered. He looked back at the man, who had pulled Carl to his arms and was trying to comfort the boy about his friend, it looked like.

“It’s not easy for him,” Dale reminded softly. “Your friend takes this all seriously. He did right trying to create a proper search party rather than dash into the woods. I can see why you trust him so much.”

Shane was once more reminded that the two of them hadn’t actually known each other for long. It had been, what, maybe a few months since the world burned. And even less time since Rick had found them. The most of what the old man knew of Rick was things that Shane had told him. Rick’s choices hadn’t worked out as well as he might have hoped, but he had done everything he could to keep them all safe. Still Dale believed in Rick to be the best leader for them.

“Of course I trust him. He’s my brother.”

\---

Rose laid there on the mattress - her _deathbed_ , she was sure - and blinked up into the darkness. She thought of her family; her loving mother, quiet father, sweet brother. 

She thought of _Shane._

If she had been more forthcoming, had more courage… Maybe they could have been something. The man had always been kind to her, had always cared for her. Rose had a gigantic crush on Shane during her teens. She remembered the first girlfriend Shane had - the jealousy she had felt had been so strong it had surprised her completely.

Rose regretted never admitting her feelings to him. Their last phone call, the urge she had heard in Shane’s voice…

Well, it’s not like Rose could do anything about it anymore. She would be dead soon, and he’d never learn what happened to her.

She just hoped he could forget about her and live on, happy.

\---

It was night-time, and Shane had taken first watch while the others tried to rest. There was a rustle, and he had his shotgun loaded and pointed towards the woods before he even realized anything had happened. Thankfully he wasn’t too trigger-happy, since the rustling that had alarmed him came from a somewhat friendly source.

“I reckon you’re begging for a fight, going an’ pointing that gun of you’s around.” Dixon sounded as pissy as usual, but Shane couldn’t help but smile. Especially when he saw the mop of red hair resting on the man’s shoulder and skinny legs hanging around his middle.

“Carol!” Shane called out, only a bit louder than his normal speaking voice. It traveled easily in the quiet of the night, and it didn’t take but a few seconds before the door of the RV banged open and Carol rushed outside, Amy and Andrea not far behind.

T-Dog, Dale and the others followed the grieving mother as well, and Shane could hear their relieved sighs when they saw that Dixon was back.

“Sophia!” Carol cried out, once again bursting into sobs as she saw her girl. Dixon was quiet as he helped the girl down from his back, but kept close as mother and daughter hugged each other fiercely.

“You found her,” Rick gasped. Shane reached out for the man, and had to adjust quickly to keep him upright. Dixon looked a bit more worried at that, but masked it before Shane could be sure.

The redneck scoffed and patted Sophia’s shoulder lightly. “She was faster than a rabbit, and quieter too. Ran further away than I thought she would, she did.” When Carol turned her teary face to Dixon, he lifted his arms in quick surrender. “Hey, woman, I ain’t complainin’. She just busted her ankle, that’s all. Took a _long_ time ta get back.”

“Oh, I’m not complaining, you dummy,” the woman stated, voice soft but teasing, and hugged Dixon so quickly he didn’t have the time to run. “Thank you for getting my girl back, Daryl.”

Shane patted Rick’s stomach to calm the trembling man down, laughing when his brother looked up at him in confusion. “I told you he was coming back to annoy us sooner or later.”


End file.
